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Thursday, August 29, 2013

Classroom Separation Anxiety

     When you have twins, there are a number of parenting questions and challenges that come up that the singleton mom never has to face.  (A singleton mom is one that birthed just one child per pregnancy in case you are not up on the lingo of the multiple mom).  Perhaps the biggest question that plagues our minds is whether to not to separate the twins when they get to school.
     There are valid arguments on both sides of the issue.  On the pro side, separation can help the twins to form their own separate identities and not be viewed as a unit of "the twins".  Having them apart prevents the teacher from mixing them up, or comparing the two.  They will be more likely to have their own friends and interests, and not ride one another's coat tails. Sibling rivalry can be problematic in the classroom.  You would never hit a classmate, but hitting your brother is a daily occurrence. Also, if one twin is more dominant, and the other more introverted, the more loquacious will answer for both.
     On the side of keeping them together there are just as many valid arguments.  Being together keeps them from feeling alone or abandoned.  If one of your twins is an "informer" you will get a better picture of what is going on in the classroom.  There isn't the inherent unfairness of more or less homework, or better field trips. You don't have to split yourself in two on parent's night or at the holiday parties.  You only have to make 24 cupcakes on their birthday, not 48, and invite just one class, not two, to a party.
     From early on, I felt that I would like to keep my twins together.  I recently got confirmation that our district is very flexible, and has done it both ways.  This was a relief to me.  I don't want to be bullied into separating them, as so many parents are.  While I can see both sides, and would never criticize those that think separation is best for their kids, I want to make the decision as to what is best for my individual kids.
     If you ask them, they will tell you without hesitation that they want to stay together.  I realize that I am the parent, and my husband and I are responsible for making decisions for them.  However, their own wishes and desires should be taken into account nevertheless.
      Some other factors that are particular to my children are present as well. I'll share my reasoning for argument's sake.  For them, there truly is not a dominant twin, which per anecdotal history is a rarity.  My singleton and eldest is most assuredly the dominant personality in the house.
      The fact that they are boy/girl twins will prevent the teacher from mixing them up (hopefully) and assures that they likely will have different friends even if they are in the same class, as they are already quite individual in their tastes and preferences.
      Another burning issue for me is my daughter's hearing impairment.  While we have been working on her speech with a therapist, and made a second home of our ENT's office, the issues persist.  I hate to put her in a setting without him.  I do know that she eventually needs to make her own way in the world, and that I really should not saddle her brother with the burden of being her ears.  However, I can't help but think that the fact that they are twins is a blessing in disguise.
     As for my son, my daughter is his conscience.  I fear for the teacher that gets my son without my daughter present.  That teacher would have a rough year for sure. There is no one who can calm him down after a melt down like she can.   His future wife will need to make use of her expertise.
     Also, I have a family history of twins. Though my grandmother passed away shortly after the twins were born, she and I did have long phone conversations while I was pregnant and on bed rest.  She imparted much wisdom on the care and feeding of 2 babies at once and all other twin related issues.  She kept her twins (my aunt and uncle) together in the early years and felt that it worked well for them, and then they went their own way when they got to middle school.  I will likely take her sage advice and opt to keep my twins together for now, until it becomes a problem or they ask to be in separate classes.


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