Friday, December 14th, 2012. Surely it had been “one of
those days” for everyone–parents, teachers, students, the employed, the un- or
underemployed. It was a busy, stressful day at the height of the holiday
season, and when emotions were already high, tragedy struck in a place that
could have easily been your town, your neighborhood.
Like you, I wanted answers. But with all my kids at home with
me, I couldn’t exactly put on CNN. So I took the social media route. There were
bits and pieces of a horrific story and a number of angry people assigning
blame, but of course, no answers.
The next day, my husband and I created a bubble of cheer for
our kids–games, Christmas movies, etc. I knew life couldn't continue on
like that indefinitely, so I began to wonder what to tell my first grader, if
anything.
Then I came across an article in the Albany Times Union: “What
to tell, not tell, kids about shootings.” I read it because I thought it might
help initiate the conversation. The link is at the bottom of the page if you’re
interested or curious, though I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it.
Since the only advice I found was too vague to be helpful, I
was on my own. Although I’ve been criticized for being “too honest” with my
kids, I thought I should go with an age-appropriate version of the truth. When
my son is about to make up a story, I always stop him and say, "Give it to
me straight. I can handle it." And then he does. I should as a parent
return the courtesy. He's an intuitive, rational kid. He too can "handle
it."
Do I believe guns are partially to blame for this tragedy?
Absolutely. Would I tell my kids this? Yes. I don't like guns and wouldn't want
them in my house. I would hope, regardless of the law, others who have children
or the mentally ill in their care would feel the same way.
I give a lot of credit to those who work with or live with
the mentally ill. It's not an easy job (or an easy life). Even in an ideal
setting-stable, loving household, good health insurance-some disorders are
untreatable. Take away that stability and medical treatment, add a deadly
weapon into the mix, and you can potentially get the Columbine, the Virgina
Tech, the Aurora , Colorado ,
or the Newtown , Connecticut
So back to my son, the first grader. Here's the message I
hope to get across to him...
Sometimes people are broken. They need help, but maybe no
one listens or maybe the people who love them don't know what to do. Then they
might become to broken to fix. And if they want to hurt themselves or other
people, they'll find a way...
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