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Monday, July 16, 2012

Universal Truths of Parenting

Safety scissors barely cut construction paper, but will easily cut hair.

The length of the pause before the scream is directly proportional to the severity of the toddler's injury.

A child will always want the one someone else has, even if an identical item is offered, especially if  that someone else is a sibling.

If you are not paying attention, shoes will end up on the wrong feet more than seems statistically possible.

When in a rush, the slow child must do everything themselves, but when mom is sitting and eating, a simple task like getting a spoon out of the silverware drawer is beyond the zone of proximal development.

Clothes a child once refused to wear become beloved items when you try to hand them down to a younger sibling.

Daylight savings time is intended to ruin your life.  At least, it seems that way.  Also, at some point in June your children will refuse to go to bed because "it is still in the day."

Halloween is just one big orgiastic sugar fest. Let them binge. Then throw the remaining candy away come November 1st.  

Valentines Day is the new Halloween.  Seriously, must every card now include candy with it?

The first year is spent anxiously awaiting their first word and first step. You spend the next dozen or so telling them to sit down and be quiet.

The days are long but the years are short, so enjoy them as much as you can.

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