Million Dollar Babies

      How many distressed babies does it take to pay a CEO? 12.  Cheaper by the dozen? Is there a discount for multiples. The recent remarks by AOL's CEO Tim Armstrong really hit close to home. In case you didn't see the news, here is an article about his original comments. 

Click here for the response from one of the mothers of said distressed babies.

      We lovingly call our twins the million dollar babies. I spent 6 weeks hanging upside down in the hospital, then when the twins were born they had 26 days of NICU time between the 2 of them, which all in all was a lot less than it could have been.  Thank God we had health insurance through my husband's employer since I had been unable to work through the majority of my pregnancy.

     When I first found out I was carrying twins, my mind automatically imagined bed rest and NICU stays.  At my 20 week ultrasound, I went in so excited to find out the genders of the babies.  My husband and I had agreed to a moratorium on the name discussion till we knew for sure what we were looking at. I left that appointment being told I was on bed rest for the foreseeable future. To add insult to injury, I was told that my baby girl had a heart defect, and may not make it.  The words "selective reduction" were used.  I don't care what your stance is on abortion.  When you are carrying 2 very wanted babies, the thought of killing one of them and simultaneously putting the other's life in jeopardy is not  something you want to think about. But I suppose Tim Armstrong would have had me cull the herd rather than shell out for a "distressed baby".

     Obviously this man has never felt the pain and anguish of having your babies whisked away before even get to look at them, as he was stitched up post c-section.  He has not had to lie in recovery, shaking from post operative hypothermia, and beg the nurses to check on the results of his baby girl's EKG and sonogram.  He has not had to walk the length of a football field one day post surgical to the NICU because the nurses were on the shift change and too busy to get him a wheel chair when it was time to feed the babies.  He has not felt the anguish that is leaving the hospital without the babies that he carried inside for too short a time. He has not had to take one baby home, leaving one behind. He has not had to beg his husband to take him back to the NICU at 10 pm for one last feeding of the sick baby still at the NICU, because  there is another baby at home that will keep him up all night. If he had gone through that, he would not be so quick to judge.

     Does he think that any mother would want a baby to have to be in the NICU.  No one would wish that for anyone. Conversely, if it were his baby, wouldn't he want everything possible done to ensure that baby had a chance at life?

     Tim Armstrong has apologized, but I don't buy it.  I think he needs a little sensitivity training to be sure.  Maybe he should go visit the NICU at his local hospital (and perhaps even donate a bit of his $12 million dollar salary).  He should bring some food for those families who are in crisis.He should sit and talk to them, and look in their weary eyes that are red from crying.  He would then know that no amount of money was too much to protect these delicate lives.

Volunteer Blues

I have been a volunteer in many capacities.  I have served on parish councils, headed youth ministry, chaired many a committee, been on boards of not for profits and I am currently the Secretary of the PTO. I have planned Science Fairs, Easter Egg Hunts and Family Picnics. I have hosted ChristmaHanaRamaKwanza shindigs, and Not So Scary Halloween Parties. I have directed plays and conducted musical groups.  I understand that not everyone is cut out for this type of work.  I am happy to take on the role. What frustrates me the most is the "helpful" comments and "constructive" criticism from the arm chair quarterbacks that feel that it is their right to do post game analysis when they had zero role in the planning and execution of the event.  If you aren't going to contribute, then don't criticize.  At every event, I have my own running list of what could have gone better, what went well, and what could be changed for next time.  I don't need anyone to point it out to me after the fact.  It is really not at all helpful, and will cause me to mutter curse words under my breath.  

All of the below have been actual comments made to me over the years. As a public service I will share them in hopes of making the world a little better for all of the harried volunteers our there.  

1. "Why don't you hold a bake sale, car wash, or pancake breakfast?" 

Um we do.  Every year, several in fact. We fund raise in many different ways, continually.   We carefully chose the events we did based on our talents and interests, and what we thought would give us the greatest amount of return for our time. If you would like to plan an additional fundraiser that you would plan and execute, feel free to do so.  

2.  "My other group had a wonderful consignment sale, hosted a conference, put on a full scale production of Into the Woods."

That's great.  Again, would you like to chair it? I have already bit off more than I can chew. Adding another huge event would likely send me over the edge.  

3. "Wouldn't it be wonderful if our Pastor/President/Principal would MC, get in the dunk tank, or play Dumbledore at Harry Potter night."

You know, I had the same thought in my initial vision. Unfortunately our Pastor had an unexpected funeral, our principal had a District wide board meeting, and our President's kids got sick at the last minute.  These people tend to go above and beyond in their jobs. It is wonderful if they can give more time, but if they can't it is okay for them not to. 

4. "I didn't hear anything about the event. You should do more publicity"

We have meetings, we have a website, we have a Facebook page, we have a newsletter. Emails were sent. Flyers were posted.  There is a giant banner outside of the school advertising the event. We sent a note home with your kid as well. While I can understand a physical note may not have gotten to your hands, there are other means of getting the information. Please use them before criticizing us for not getting the word out.  

5. "I know I forgot to RSVP but can I possibly sneak in at the 11th hour?"

If the people planning an event request an RSVP, they do so for a reason. It is nice to know if we are having 14 or 40 or 400. Food has to be ordered, photocopies made, swag bags stuffed. When an Easter Egg Hunt is put on, be sure it is not the actual Easter Bunny hiding all of those eggs.  It is nice to know how many people to plan for.  On the flip side, it is good to know if there is no interest at all in our event so that we can cancel, and spare ourselves the pain of planning the event only to have no one come. Once we cancel though, no whining, as we gave you the opportunity to sign up.  

6.  "I was on my way out the door and I called/texted/emailed to ask you a question about the event, but you didn't answer."

So sorry I failed to answer your question in a timely manner.  I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off setting up said event. It is very unlikely that I will have a moment to check my email or hear my cell phone. 

7. "I know I volunteered to help, but I didn't realize that I would not be able to also watch my kids."

Oh really, you don't think a hot, crowded kitchen is a good place for kids to be. Because I don't have 3 of my own, including a set of twins that are way younger than yours. Meanwhile I now have my husband scooping ice cream to replace you and I'm hoping my 14 year old neighbor is actually watching my kids like I begged her to. 

8.  "How come we changed venues/vendors?" or "How come we use the same vendors every year?"

There are a lot of considerations that go into event planning.  Was the date available? Does the venue require insurance that we don't have? Does the park have public bathrooms and/or a pavilion in case of rain? Does the bouncy guy have a law suit pending? Was the clown we used last year arrested for selling marijuana? Or maybe we use the same place over and over because they give us a deal. Or maybe the known is more comfortable for the person actually doing all of the work. 

9.  "It seemed like you could have used more help." or "Why weren't they passing out programs at all of the entrances, not just in the rear?" or "Why did you have to close some of the tables?" or "Why were there 12 year olds running things?"

It may seem like we were short staffed, because we were, which is why I spent the last 3 months of my life begging for volunteers. 

10. "I know you took a poll/vote, in which I did not participate, but now that you made plans based on the majority, I am going to crap all over what was decided."

I often ask people for feedback. I have done Facebook polls or used Survey Monkey. Which night of the week works best?  What time can everyone be here? Which restaurant should we hold our Mom's Night Out at? I want to be successful, and therefore attempt to do what the majority wants.  Not voting, and then telling me 6pm is too early, or that the restaurant that had the most votes once gave you food poisoning is not at all helpful. 

My Son - Future President

I had written a post a while back about the decision to put my son in dance.  Fast forward a bit, he loves it. He stole the show at the recital last June.  I would over hear people talking about the cute little chef. People commented on the studio's Facebook page about his performance.

  

Now his teacher is trying to top that number.  They are dancing to a Frank Sinatra song. She thought maybe we should put him in a tuxedo for this year's recital. He asked me what that was, so I showed him this picture.  

He looked skeptical, so I figured he needed a better reference point. I Googled Frank Sinatra in a tuxedo, but the images skewed towards older Frank.

And then of course there was the famous mug shot that popped up. 

So my son in his infinite wisdom, says 

"I don't want to look like that guy.  I want to look like Obama."

I think he is onto something.  

Really, as a mother, would you rather your son be a member of the Rat Pack?

Or President?  

Either way though, the dance lessons will come in handy, I'm sure. 

But, for now,  he looked pretty cute in his white tuxedo.

  

Classroom Separation Anxiety

     When you have twins, there are a number of parenting questions and challenges that come up that the singleton mom never has to face.  (A singleton mom is one that birthed just one child per pregnancy in case you are not up on the lingo of the multiple mom).  Perhaps the biggest question that plagues our minds is whether to not to separate the twins when they get to school.
     There are valid arguments on both sides of the issue.  On the pro side, separation can help the twins to form their own separate identities and not be viewed as a unit of "the twins".  Having them apart prevents the teacher from mixing them up, or comparing the two.  They will be more likely to have their own friends and interests, and not ride one another's coat tails. Sibling rivalry can be problematic in the classroom.  You would never hit a classmate, but hitting your brother is a daily occurrence. Also, if one twin is more dominant, and the other more introverted, the more loquacious will answer for both.
     On the side of keeping them together there are just as many valid arguments.  Being together keeps them from feeling alone or abandoned.  If one of your twins is an "informer" you will get a better picture of what is going on in the classroom.  There isn't the inherent unfairness of more or less homework, or better field trips. You don't have to split yourself in two on parent's night or at the holiday parties.  You only have to make 24 cupcakes on their birthday, not 48, and invite just one class, not two, to a party.
     From early on, I felt that I would like to keep my twins together.  I recently got confirmation that our district is very flexible, and has done it both ways.  This was a relief to me.  I don't want to be bullied into separating them, as so many parents are.  While I can see both sides, and would never criticize those that think separation is best for their kids, I want to make the decision as to what is best for my individual kids.
     If you ask them, they will tell you without hesitation that they want to stay together.  I realize that I am the parent, and my husband and I are responsible for making decisions for them.  However, their own wishes and desires should be taken into account nevertheless.
      Some other factors that are particular to my children are present as well. I'll share my reasoning for argument's sake.  For them, there truly is not a dominant twin, which per anecdotal history is a rarity.  My singleton and eldest is most assuredly the dominant personality in the house.
      The fact that they are boy/girl twins will prevent the teacher from mixing them up (hopefully) and assures that they likely will have different friends even if they are in the same class, as they are already quite individual in their tastes and preferences.
      Another burning issue for me is my daughter's hearing impairment.  While we have been working on her speech with a therapist, and made a second home of our ENT's office, the issues persist.  I hate to put her in a setting without him.  I do know that she eventually needs to make her own way in the world, and that I really should not saddle her brother with the burden of being her ears.  However, I can't help but think that the fact that they are twins is a blessing in disguise.
     As for my son, my daughter is his conscience.  I fear for the teacher that gets my son without my daughter present.  That teacher would have a rough year for sure. There is no one who can calm him down after a melt down like she can.   His future wife will need to make use of her expertise.
     Also, I have a family history of twins. Though my grandmother passed away shortly after the twins were born, she and I did have long phone conversations while I was pregnant and on bed rest.  She imparted much wisdom on the care and feeding of 2 babies at once and all other twin related issues.  She kept her twins (my aunt and uncle) together in the early years and felt that it worked well for them, and then they went their own way when they got to middle school.  I will likely take her sage advice and opt to keep my twins together for now, until it becomes a problem or they ask to be in separate classes.

Mommy's Favorite Milestones

Some parents wait anxiously for that first word, or the first steps.  Those milestones are for chumps. You spend the next 17 or so years telling them to sit down and be quiet.  The real milestones that actually make a difference in Mommy's world are way different than what you find spaces for in baby books.

1.  Being able to hold your own bottle - I had twins, and I can tell you, I contorted into all sorts of positions with various pillows and boppys to be able to feed 2 babies at once.  As soon as they were able to hold their own bottles, my entire world changed!

2.  Being able to self feed - Once you are able to sit them in a high chair with some puffs or a saltine, again, your world changed. You can cook a meal, you can eat a meal, perhaps even while it is hot!

3.  Throwing up in the toilet -  When the twins were 3 or so, we were cursed with a stomach bug.  However, my daughter had an aha momet.  "I frow up in da toilet so I don't make a mess." Yes YESYESYES!!! Life changing indeed.

4.  Being able to get their own cereal - This will change your weekend mornings.  You may actually be able to sleep beyond the break of dawn.

5.  Being able to answer the phone - My house phone is able to announce the name of the caller.  I have it programmed to say if "Daddy" or "Grandma" is calling.  My cell phone has pictures of beloved family members.  It is wonderful to let them pick up the phone, especially if I am in the shower.  If they do happen to acidentally pick up and get a telemarketer, the results are often amusing.  My preschooler once gave one poor unsuspecting person an earfull about how there aren't many words that begin with the letter X.

6.  Locating their father - No longer do I have to scream up the stairs, or tramp out to the garage in my pajamas. I can relay messages through my children.

7.  Packing lunches - This is not my favorite thing.  Some moms do love notes and cute heart sandwhich cutouts.  I use my credit card to put money in the school lunch account. My eldest quickly learned that if she didn't want to eat goulash on Tuesdays, she would have to pack her own lunch. One less thing for me in the mornings.

8.  Dressing oneself - Speaking of mornings, picking out their own clothes and being able to actually put them on their body is a big deal.  We have discovered that my younger daughter has quite the fashion sense.  In contrast, my son has a sense of humor about his clothes, and frequently declares it is backwards day if you point out that Mario should be on his chest and not on his back.

9.  Buckling seatbelts - No more back seat yoga poses!  I have ended up underneath the car on an icy day whilst attempting to buckle wiggly toddlers in snow suits into 5 point harnesses.

10.  Being able to tell you about their day - Relaying a story is no small feat.  I have 2 kids in speech therapy. Them being able to tell you that they had grilled cheese for lunch and then did fingerpaints at grandma's house is a really big deal.  For the moments that I miss, I get to feel like I was there.

Amusement Park Woes

      We had the occasion to go to 6 Flags Great Escape this past weekend.  The kids had a great time, but it made me realize that we are in sort of an in between stage when it comes to rides, too small for some, but heaven forbid you suggest a baby ride.
     My eldest just hit the 48" mark.  This brought with it the milestone of the first upside down roller coaster.This also meant we were no longer together as a family for the day.  My husband and I took turns taking her on one thrill ride after another, whilst the other took the twins on the kiddie rides.

     My son is not quite 42", which means that there are a great many rides that he is just shy of making the cutoff for, rides that we cold have ridden as a family.  For example the Raging River, which is one of my favorites.  It is one of those few rides we could all five get on together, in one boat, not having to split the numbers awkwardly.

     We did get to go on the Desperado Plunge, but had to split up.  I took the twins, and my husband took my eldest.  While in line, a woman asked as to their age, thinking they were a bit small for the ride.  I assured her they were 4 and 1/2.  She said they are a small 4.  Just what I needed to hear in that moment after watching my son try to stand on tip toes all day long.  My son loved the ride, it was one of the only big rides he got to go on, and he begged to go again.  My yonger daughter was terrified the first go around, but was a good sport and went for a second ride.  My eldest took the opportunity to ride yet another roller coaster.

     We have been talking about the possibility of going to Disney.  I'd like to wait until everyone is tall enough to ride the majority of the rides.  I checked their website, and Space Mountain as well as a few other big attractions are at 44" not 42"!  It may be a while before my son gets there.  I don't want to wish their childhood away, but it would be nice if he would actually get onto the growth curve.

Small Victories

Today, August 19th, is my daughter's first birthday. She's a toddler now, discovering her world, testing her limits, finding herself. She loves to sing, hoard as many spoons as she can hold (and usually hijacks the one I'm using), and she loves her brothers (but if they infringe upon her mommy time, they get a good whack in the head.)

                                                           Spoon Hijacker, a.k.a. Silly Peach

This day is a milestone for me, too. Though I can't say this has been a great year for personal growth, in July I made the (wise) decision to channel my frustration more constructively.

"I'm going to start running," I said to my husband out of the blue one day.

Smart man that he is, he didn't argue (for once), or complain when I said I needed new running shoes. The only sneakers I had were older than my first born and he's going into second grade.

When the shoebox arrived in the mail, the trim along the ankle was a little more pink than I remembered from the picture, but they fit perfectly and as an added bonus, I'll glow in the dark if I ever run at night.

I was, in terms of sportswear at least, "ready." I hit the road the next day and let's just say it hit me back. I did gymnastics and diving when I was younger, but that was a long time ago, and even in my prime, I shied away from endurance sports.

I was in denial, I guess. I may have lost my baby fat through nursing and self-neglect, but the road reminded me that I had the lung capacity of a teaspoon and the muscle tone of a 13-year-old computer nerd.

The first two weeks were rough. I would jog little more than a mile and couldn't WAIT for it to be over. I don't know when things changed for me, but I soon started noticing the New England Colonials and admiring the Berkshires (though I now and always will hate all the hills in my town) rather than chanting, "Am I there yet, am I there yet?"

I began looking at my times, trying to improve upon them. One mile runs became two mile runs, and then I decided I was (almost) ready for my first race. Eight weeks of training were recommended for new runners, but I decided to go for it with only six.

I did a few 5Ks for practice. My stamina was still lacking, so they were a challenge but not impossible. I pulled back the last few days–faster runs, shorter distances–and took the day off before the race.

Two days before my daughter’s birthday, I ran my first 5K in Bennington, VT. It was as much for her as it was for me. And I couldn't have asked for a better morning–sunny and cool.

After the cannon went off, the crowd took a while to disperse. I had to start off slow. But once we spread out, I started passing people. I maintained my race pace the whole way, and even though I wanted to finish strong, I didn't have a lot of extra oomph in me at the end. I still made good time, though, and finished with a personal best. Somehow I even managed to finish first in my age group and 14th overall for women. They even mentioned me in the Bennington Banner: 

For the women: Sarah Umphley took the 12-and-under group (22:26.39), Katie Lynch took the 13-15 group (27:08.97). O'Callaghan was first in the 16-19 group followed by teammate Shelby Whitman (23:06.26). Rebecca Beagle was first in the 20-29 group (24:29.94). Alicia was first in the 30-39 range (26:34.53), while Julie Hoar took the 40-49 group (23:10.13). Laurie George took the 50-59 group (28:26.48) and Patty Surdam won the 60-69 group in 49:08.01.

Last August, I was over-pregnant and could barely climb a flight of stairs. Now, a year later, I can declare this experience a small yet significant victory, and first thing this morning, I was back on the road.

True athletes have their reasons to stick with their sport whether it be good health or a sense of accomplishment. I run for those universal reasons, too, but also because running gives me a reason to get out of bed in the morning that doesn't include taking care of other people. It's my only "me" time. And yes, there are days when I can't manage to get up at 6:30 in the morning, but on the days I can, it's worth it, and hopefully, more victories will follow...