Million Dollar Babies

      How many distressed babies does it take to pay a CEO? 12.  Cheaper by the dozen? Is there a discount for multiples. The recent remarks by AOL's CEO Tim Armstrong really hit close to home. In case you didn't see the news, here is an article about his original comments. 

Click here for the response from one of the mothers of said distressed babies.

      We lovingly call our twins the million dollar babies. I spent 6 weeks hanging upside down in the hospital, then when the twins were born they had 26 days of NICU time between the 2 of them, which all in all was a lot less than it could have been.  Thank God we had health insurance through my husband's employer since I had been unable to work through the majority of my pregnancy.

     When I first found out I was carrying twins, my mind automatically imagined bed rest and NICU stays.  At my 20 week ultrasound, I went in so excited to find out the genders of the babies.  My husband and I had agreed to a moratorium on the name discussion till we knew for sure what we were looking at. I left that appointment being told I was on bed rest for the foreseeable future. To add insult to injury, I was told that my baby girl had a heart defect, and may not make it.  The words "selective reduction" were used.  I don't care what your stance is on abortion.  When you are carrying 2 very wanted babies, the thought of killing one of them and simultaneously putting the other's life in jeopardy is not  something you want to think about. But I suppose Tim Armstrong would have had me cull the herd rather than shell out for a "distressed baby".

     Obviously this man has never felt the pain and anguish of having your babies whisked away before even get to look at them, as he was stitched up post c-section.  He has not had to lie in recovery, shaking from post operative hypothermia, and beg the nurses to check on the results of his baby girl's EKG and sonogram.  He has not had to walk the length of a football field one day post surgical to the NICU because the nurses were on the shift change and too busy to get him a wheel chair when it was time to feed the babies.  He has not felt the anguish that is leaving the hospital without the babies that he carried inside for too short a time. He has not had to take one baby home, leaving one behind. He has not had to beg his husband to take him back to the NICU at 10 pm for one last feeding of the sick baby still at the NICU, because  there is another baby at home that will keep him up all night. If he had gone through that, he would not be so quick to judge.

     Does he think that any mother would want a baby to have to be in the NICU.  No one would wish that for anyone. Conversely, if it were his baby, wouldn't he want everything possible done to ensure that baby had a chance at life?

     Tim Armstrong has apologized, but I don't buy it.  I think he needs a little sensitivity training to be sure.  Maybe he should go visit the NICU at his local hospital (and perhaps even donate a bit of his $12 million dollar salary).  He should bring some food for those families who are in crisis.He should sit and talk to them, and look in their weary eyes that are red from crying.  He would then know that no amount of money was too much to protect these delicate lives.

What is with this Common Core?

     I'm currently working on my Masters Degree in Education.  Basically for the past year, every single book that I have read has the words "The Common Core" in the title.  Does this make me an expert?  I don't know about that, but I know that I know more than the average parent.
     So what is "The Common Core"?  Basically is is a set of guidelines that teachers are supposed to follow.  What a lot of people don't realize is that the Common Core is very general.  Some examples of the standards are compare and contrast, determine cause and effect, cite textual evidence. I do think these are legitimate skills that any student should have.
      As a teacher, you can compare and contrast just about anything.  Skittles and M&Ms, mushrooms and ferns, Ford and GM, Classical and Romantic composers, Spanish and Portuguese, it really doesn't matter as long as your students acquire the skill.  Citing textual evidence can be citing fashion blogs.   There is a high degree of flexibility within the core.
     The test results though, they are problematic.  The NYS scores that were released show that only 31% of all students meet or exceed expectations.  The news gets worse if the child is a minority or does not speak English as their maternal language or is a minority or has a disability.  Only 3.2% of ELLs (English Language Learners) met expectations, only 5% of students with disabilities and if the student is Black or Hispanic, about 16%.  
     The 2nd grade questions that asked kids to differentiate between cuneiform and hieroglyphics are brought forth to point out the facetiousness of the testing ordeal.  While I do agree that question is ridiculous, I do not think that the Common Core is a bad thing.  The validity of the assessments are the issue, not the core itself.  To throw out the core entirely would be to throw out the baby with the bath water.
   
     More states are coming on line with the common core for the 2013-2014 school year, so stay tuned.  I do think New York may have been a good state to start with, as we do have a tradition for rigorous education and accountability via test score.  The Regents exams have been a long standing tradition within the state.    
   

But What Do Cigarettes Have to do With Gun Control?

 
      I have recently gone back to graduate school.  As a thirty-something surrounded by mostly twenty-somethings, I am constantly reminded that I am old.  I was recently telling the story of how when I was in high school, our band director used to conduct with his lit cigarette.  My classmates were incredulous.  "But there's no way, you can't smoke in schools!  You can't even smoke on school grounds!" they said.  Ah yes, my children, there was a time not so long ago when you could smoke on airplanes, and in schools, and in restaurants.  You could go to Denny's, order coffee and smoke.  A local coffee house had cigar night.  If you went to a bar, you would leave reeking of cigarette smoke.  You could smoke in the workplace, any workplace, even if that workplace was a school or a hospital.
     So what changed?  People loved their cigarettes, in fact were quite addicted to them. Wouldn't we be liminting their freedom by banning smoking in public places? How do you get people to quit smoking or at least smoke less?
     Slowly they began to increase the tax on ciggarettes.  The price of a pack went from $2.50 to roughly $10.00 in just a matter of years.  They started to ban advertising to kids.  Joe Camel used to be as recognizable as Mickey Mouse.  Then they began to say no more smoking in schools, and then even smoking on school grounds became taboo.  They moved from having a non smoking section in restaurants to not allowing smoking, period.  And yes, this "they" happens to be our government.
     After this past year of shootings, maybe we as a society should begin to say I don't want your second hand gun smoke.  I'm not a 'gun owner/smoker', so why should I be subjected to to you smoke/gun fire.  I don't want you smoke/gun fire in my kids schools.  They, the government can affect change, they have done it before, in very recent memory.  Maybe if we stand up as a society and say this smoke is making us sick, we can make some simple but effective changes. Then hopefully there will be less Auroras and Newtowns and Trevon Martins.

Corn, Gay Marriage and the Bible

     I got into it with a Bible thumper online.  I love to mess with them.  They think they are the only people who actually read the Bible and that no one else has any clue what the book actually says.  I'll share the thread. but first let me give a little back ground information. 
     I live in New York, where gay marriage was legalized just over a year ago. Recently, a lesbian couple approached Liberty Ridge farm to plan their wedding.  Liberty Ridge turned them down and was stupid enough to tell them why.  This has blown up on the local news, on Facebook.  This is their peak time of year, as they have a haunted corn maze, and people are talking of boycotting.
     I was following the news story on WNYT's website.  Click here to view the story and the original thread. There was a hateful comment posted so I put in simple reply of "God is love and all who live in love live in God. John 4:16"
     Then another poster commented "God alo condems homosexuality read up before using religion in your defense."
     My response "Leviticus may, but Jesus never does. I've read up quite a bit, thank you very much."
     And he counters "Just fyi king james 1 corinthians 6:8-10 Jesus comments God bless this isnt a fighting a match everybody should be free from forced culture god loves everyone its a personal thought we should only pray for the lost not argue".
     Then I went onto say "1 Corinthians is an Epistle of Paul. Paul never actually met Jesus, so I do not necessarily take that as straight from the horses mouth. It does go to show that many parts of the Bible do conflict. It is not a perfect book. For example in Matthew, Jews repeatedly called are the chosen people, while in the gosep of John, it says Jews are dogs. This one verse in John was used to justify perscution of Jews for years, but that never would have been Jesus' intention, as he was Jewish himself."
     This is the part that I love, when he totally loses it "Answer one question why do people who truly choose to live in sin (homosexuality) always alter the word of god to excuse the guilt of unconfessed sin. I will end it at this if you are a christian who believed jesus died on the cross for our sin then you believe the bile as truth written through the prophets if you dont then you might be of a different faith not a true practicing christian which is fine but dont use god in your defense for protecting homosexuality that would call him a liar and you wouldnt want the consequences for that."
     I love how he makes assumptions about me based on the fact that I don't believe hate belongs in a Biblical discussion.  So I countered "I am Catholic, and have studied history and theology. I am also a woman, happliy married to a man. We have 3 beautiful children together, though some may consider our twins an abomination as they were concieved using fertility treatments. I am not altering the word of God. I just pick and choose just as you and others do. Is it okay for my husband to beat me as long as he uses a stick no thicker than his thumb? Would it have been okay for him to impregnate my handmaiden since I could not get pregnant on my own? Is slavery okay? The Bible is full of things that were allowable that we no longer tolerate in today's society, and other things it deems sins that we no longer seem to care about, like eating pork and shellfish, or getting tatoos. I choose to believe that the over arching message of the Gospels is about Love."
    So there it is, I'm a godless heathen and destined for Hell. 

    It will be interesting to see how this plays out.  There is still some question as to the legality of Liberty Ridge denying them the opportunity to have their wedding there.  The legislation that approved gay marriage did include verbiage to prevent religious instutitions from being forced to hold gay weddings.  It never mentions private businesses however.   Some are saying that it infringes on Liberty Ridge's freedom to force them to host gay and lesbian weddings. Maybe, but would it be okay for them to deny another event that was maybe not so politically charged?  What if a religious group wanted to bring the Sunday school to the corn maze?  Would it be okay for them to deny them?  What about if it were a group of African refugees from EMMAUS?  Would that be okay? How about if they decided to let the Boy Scouts come because their group is anti-gay marriage, but not the Girl Scouts who have a more inclusive view on the subject?  I'd love to hear some (rational) thoughts. 

Scouting and the Culture Wars

     I had known of the issues surrounding the boy scouts.  This is a conversation that started when I was in college.  I remember sitting in the dining hall with recently graduated Eagle Scouts having a conversation about it.  A few years later a young Boy Scout came to my door, and asking me to buy popcorn. I told him no, though I had bought Girl Scout cookies from his sister.  Now there may be those of you that think, cookies versus popcorn, no contest, but there was a political statement underlying.
     Now that I'm a parent of both boys and girls, I'm faced with this dilemma in a more magnified fashion.  I happily enrolled my eldest girl in Daisies this year.  We made pies, went caroling in nursing homes, sold over a 100 boxes of cookies, and plan to march in our little town's Memorial Day parade, all very radical socialist feminist activities, I tell you what.  'Radical' Girl Scouts out to destroy 'American family values'
    This year I also got to see up close and personal what the Boy Scouts in our town do.  The Eagle scouts built a pavilion and picnic tables for our newly reconstructed playground. The Cub Scouts were among the biggest showings at the Science Fair that I put on for the school's PTO. I dealt one on one with one of the den fathers over the use of a catapult.  He's a great guy, has his scouts very engaged, and learning about science.
    I began to realize how silly the attacks on the Girl Scouts were, and was thinking, maybe I could allow my son to be a part of the Cub Scouts locally.  Then I saw the article about Jennifer Tyrell. Boy Scouts Dismiss Gay Den Mother.  This troubled me a great deal.  I could kind of understand not wanting to send your sons out alone in the woods with a gay man (no offense to my gay friends, you know I would send Antonio out with you in a heartbeat!) but to fire a lesbian, and one who works at a hardware store no less!  All kidding aside, this makes no sense whatsoever.  From the sounds of things she was the best Cub Scout leader ever.  People from the gay community are criticizing her for being involved with the Boy Scouts in the first place.  But I get it.  Our kids come first.  You aren't seeing this big bad overlord of an organization.  You are seeing the face of your kid and several of their classmates.  She was up front, and told the parents of her troop who she was and where she stood. They all seemed to love her.  Maybe on a face to face basis, it is harder to be hateful.
     So I wonder, are we putting too much social and political "stuff" on our kids.  What we teach them at home and in church is going to go a longer way than stuff learned in scout meetings.  But at the same time, can I allow my son to be a part of an organization that teaches hate?  Or or those claims as ridiculous as the claims that we are teaching our Girl Scouts to have abortions?  Thankfully I have a couple of years before Antonio is ready for Cub Scouts.  In the meantime, I'll happily much away on my Thin Mints.  
   

Fallen Away Catholic

     Once upon a time, way back in the 1970's, there was a young couple that wanted to get married in the Catholic church.  The young woman was the oldest of 7 from a nice, big, Irish Catholic family.  The young man came from a mixed marriage, his mother was Jewish and his father was raised Catholic.  His parents exposed him to aspects of both, but never forced it down his throat.  He grew up to become a scientist, so the tenets of the church did not necessarily line up with his beliefs.  He wanted to make his young bride happy however, so in order to get married in the Catholic church, he signed his children away.  They were among the first mixed faith couple to be married on a Catholic altar.
     They quickly had children.  This was hard because they were away from their family, as the young man was working on his PhD and his post-doctorate fellowship. They found a surrogate family in the members of their church.  They lived in a part of Texas that did not have its own Catholic church, but had a growing number of Catholics. These Catholics met every Sunday in a senior center for their mass.  They decided one day that they were tired of the drab senior center. They started to fund raise. They wanted a church of their own.  One member of the congregation had a farm, and she donated a small corner of her land.  There was also a contractor in the congregation.  He laid the foundation at cost.  Then the real fun began.  Every evening, the members of the congregation would gather and  work communally to build this church.  The ladies all brought crock-pots and casseroles.  The children all played together at their feet.  It was a wonderful time.
     After working diligently all summer, and doing the finishing work through the fall, they surprised their priest on Christmas.  He traveled a far distance to come say mass at the senior center.  He went in and out of town in the opposite direction, so he had no idea what had been going on all year.  On Christmas Eve, they told him that they had lost the senior center as a space because they didn't pay the rent, but not to worry, they found a new place to celebrate mass together.  They drove him to the brand new church. He broke down into tears.  It was such a magical Christmas mass, the first ever said in that little church that was hand built by its members.
     God soon called the young family back to New York.  The young woman was as strong as ever in her faith, and sent her 3 girls to Catholic school.  They participated in youth ministry, and were very involved in aspects of their churches over the years. Most visibly they were all in the church's contemporary choir.  The eldest daughter was a wonderful flutist and they called her "angelflute".  The 2 younger girls were dubbed "the angel voices".
     The couple's eldest daughter met her husband at church in that very contemporary choir.  He was quite a bit older than she, but because they had known each other so long and shared their faith, they decided to get married after just a few short months of dating. The night of their wedding, there was a blizzard (they should have taken it as a sign).  Unfortunately, their reception hall called to tell them they could not get their staff together, and didn't want to be responsible for possibles injuries in their guests. The young bride was crest fallen.  She had put so much into planning this special Christmas time wedding.  However, the members of their church miraculously pulled together to give them a reception.  The priest let them use the gym of the school where the bride once went to school.  A member of the parish owned a restaurant, and got together a feast for them at a moment's notice.  Her bridesmaids went to the grocery store and picked up supplies.  All of the guests emptied out their liquor cabinets. Their DJ made it to the school, and said he had never seen a more fun wedding.  It was all the more special because all these people pulled together to make it happen. There was a line in one of the hymns the choir sang during the ceremony "No storm can shake my inmost calm while to that rock I'm clinging, since love is Lord of Heaven and Earth, how can I keep from singing?"
     Unfortunately the couple did not live happily ever after.  The young bride should have taken the blizzard as a sign to cancel her wedding.  Just one month after their wedding, the groom put his hands on the bride for the first time. She stayed longer than she should have.  It took her whole other year to finally leave him for good. She tried to leave several times, but each time she went back.  The strength of her faith was part of the her problem. Being such a good Catholic how could she get divorced?  
     After she left, she still wanted to attend Church.  Church became a scary place though.  You see the groom knew when mass was, too.  She was afraid to admit to her priest and nun friends what had happened, and ashamed she was divorcing him.  It was not as if they could exclude him from coming to mass even if they wanted to.
     Eventually the young divorcee met a nice young man.  This new guy also was Catholic.  They soon talked of getting married.  He knew of her situation and encouraged her to seek an annulment so she could get right with God.  So she went to the tribunal to start the process.    They wanted a $500 fee.  That was slightly painful but she was willing to come up with the money.  They also informed her they would need to notify her ex husband.  He had to be present for the process.  She was worried about this part.  She didn't necessarily trust them to keep her address confidential. The other part that troubled her is that they would require witnesses, police reports and emergency room records were not enough evidence for them.  She would have to drag her friends and family in to testify.  He had isolated her from her friends and family over the course of their marriage, as many abusers do.  No one really knew what she went through.  Also the ex had a way of twisting things in his warped mind to make it seem like things were her fault.
     She gave up on the idea of an annulment, and had a great little wedding in Las Vegas.  Three beautiful children quickly came within 3 years.  While she knows that this was in God's plan for her, the Church she loved for so much of her life doesn't seem to agree.
     Meanwhile pedophile priests have been exposed, a new Pope with a radically conservative agenda was chosen.  She stood up for gay friends in a commitment ceremony, and was troubled by the fact that society said they shouldn't be married.  Both Catholic Schools she attended during her life have since closed, and the all girls Catholic high school she was to attend on scholarship closed the year she was to start. So many other schools and parishes in her area have closed as well. She began to see she was not the only one who had fallen away, many others had as well for their own lists of reasons.
    This young mother still occasionally goes to Church, but her heart is not in it as it once was.  As it comes time for her to put her own children in religious education, she finds herself at a crossroads.  This church sees their existence as illegitimate.  Should she subject them to this religion that would turn them away?  Should she turn to a new church, perhaps a more tolerant version of Christianity?

     Obviously this young mother is me.  My hope is that the church will come around on many issues, including women as priests, birth control,  divorce, IVF, gay marriage and a host of others.  I'm not so sure that will happen in my lifetime though.  Or maybe its time for another Great Schism.  We could have an American Catholic church separate from the antiquated idealists in Rome.  I truly believe the people are the church, and I have known so many wonderful people, some of whom are still like family.  I long to be a part of it again, but I refuse to ask for forgiveness as I know in my heart that God and I are okay.