The Rules of Frozen Sheet Music

     I grew up playing Disney songs. I had a big thick Disney Songbook that I wore out, and had to replace because I loved it so much. I taught music lessons and often went back to the Disney songbook for various lessons.  I would teach Scales and Arpeggios from Aristocats as a fun way to teach modulations. Teaching music from Sleeping Beauty means you are actually teaching Tchaikovsky. "When I see and Elephant Fly" and "Cruella DeVille"are great songs to teach jazz patterns.

      When a movie like the Little Mermaid or Beauty and the Beast came out when I was a budding young pianist, one of the best parts was getting the sheet music and learning all of the songs.  Many happy hours were spent at the piano learning those songs by heart. So when Frozen came out, I knew that I would be buying the sheet music.  Somehow, now as a mother with children, my experience of the music was quite changed.

     First, when the book arrived, there had been milk spilled upon it within 5 minutes of it's entry into the house.  I should have taken that as an omen. I saw a post from Rants from Mommy Land on the Rules for Singing Frozen. I knew I had to put my own twist on the playing of Frozen songs.

1. There must be a child in my lap as I play anything from Frozen.  Playing piano around a child while also sight reading the music can prove challenging.  Sitting next to me on a piano bench is not acceptable.  Using pedals won't work either.

2. If it were up to me and my usual musical process, I would play the first song in the book, and then play through each one till I got to the end of the book.  This cannot happen. I have to play "Let it Go" first. Then there after some in fighting we may finally agreed on "Do You Want to Build a Snowman?"and then "In Summer" could be next. When I try to play "Reindeer are Better Than People" I was met with a chorus of nos.

3. The kids would be happy if I just banged out the melodies for their favorite songs. They really do not care if I play the chords and accompaniment or not.  When I try to play intros or bridges they get impatient.

4. If I miss a sharp or flat, they let me know "Mommy, you are not very good." They don't understand that the chromatics and modulations in "Let It Go" are a bit tricky, especially since the song is already starting off in A flat.

5.  I am not allowed to sing, ever, even if it is to help them with the words, or to correct their pitch.  Which leads me to -

6. Children singing Frozen are never off key, or at least you can't tell them that they are.  They can effortlessly sing a song that spans the entirety of 2 octaves, even if it means growling the low notes or screeching the high notes.

7.  I may not turn Frozen sing along time into a music lesson, in any way shape or form.  Frozen transcends notes and rhythms and any mention of "Peanut Butter" or "Every Good Boy Does Fine" will not be tolerated.

8. I can now only play Frozen songs.  Any attempts to play anything other than Frozen are met with booing.
 

Volunteer Blues

I have been a volunteer in many capacities.  I have served on parish councils, headed youth ministry, chaired many a committee, been on boards of not for profits and I am currently the Secretary of the PTO. I have planned Science Fairs, Easter Egg Hunts and Family Picnics. I have hosted ChristmaHanaRamaKwanza shindigs, and Not So Scary Halloween Parties. I have directed plays and conducted musical groups.  I understand that not everyone is cut out for this type of work.  I am happy to take on the role. What frustrates me the most is the "helpful" comments and "constructive" criticism from the arm chair quarterbacks that feel that it is their right to do post game analysis when they had zero role in the planning and execution of the event.  If you aren't going to contribute, then don't criticize.  At every event, I have my own running list of what could have gone better, what went well, and what could be changed for next time.  I don't need anyone to point it out to me after the fact.  It is really not at all helpful, and will cause me to mutter curse words under my breath.  

All of the below have been actual comments made to me over the years. As a public service I will share them in hopes of making the world a little better for all of the harried volunteers our there.  

1. "Why don't you hold a bake sale, car wash, or pancake breakfast?" 

Um we do.  Every year, several in fact. We fund raise in many different ways, continually.   We carefully chose the events we did based on our talents and interests, and what we thought would give us the greatest amount of return for our time. If you would like to plan an additional fundraiser that you would plan and execute, feel free to do so.  

2.  "My other group had a wonderful consignment sale, hosted a conference, put on a full scale production of Into the Woods."

That's great.  Again, would you like to chair it? I have already bit off more than I can chew. Adding another huge event would likely send me over the edge.  

3. "Wouldn't it be wonderful if our Pastor/President/Principal would MC, get in the dunk tank, or play Dumbledore at Harry Potter night."

You know, I had the same thought in my initial vision. Unfortunately our Pastor had an unexpected funeral, our principal had a District wide board meeting, and our President's kids got sick at the last minute.  These people tend to go above and beyond in their jobs. It is wonderful if they can give more time, but if they can't it is okay for them not to. 

4. "I didn't hear anything about the event. You should do more publicity"

We have meetings, we have a website, we have a Facebook page, we have a newsletter. Emails were sent. Flyers were posted.  There is a giant banner outside of the school advertising the event. We sent a note home with your kid as well. While I can understand a physical note may not have gotten to your hands, there are other means of getting the information. Please use them before criticizing us for not getting the word out.  

5. "I know I forgot to RSVP but can I possibly sneak in at the 11th hour?"

If the people planning an event request an RSVP, they do so for a reason. It is nice to know if we are having 14 or 40 or 400. Food has to be ordered, photocopies made, swag bags stuffed. When an Easter Egg Hunt is put on, be sure it is not the actual Easter Bunny hiding all of those eggs.  It is nice to know how many people to plan for.  On the flip side, it is good to know if there is no interest at all in our event so that we can cancel, and spare ourselves the pain of planning the event only to have no one come. Once we cancel though, no whining, as we gave you the opportunity to sign up.  

6.  "I was on my way out the door and I called/texted/emailed to ask you a question about the event, but you didn't answer."

So sorry I failed to answer your question in a timely manner.  I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off setting up said event. It is very unlikely that I will have a moment to check my email or hear my cell phone. 

7. "I know I volunteered to help, but I didn't realize that I would not be able to also watch my kids."

Oh really, you don't think a hot, crowded kitchen is a good place for kids to be. Because I don't have 3 of my own, including a set of twins that are way younger than yours. Meanwhile I now have my husband scooping ice cream to replace you and I'm hoping my 14 year old neighbor is actually watching my kids like I begged her to. 

8.  "How come we changed venues/vendors?" or "How come we use the same vendors every year?"

There are a lot of considerations that go into event planning.  Was the date available? Does the venue require insurance that we don't have? Does the park have public bathrooms and/or a pavilion in case of rain? Does the bouncy guy have a law suit pending? Was the clown we used last year arrested for selling marijuana? Or maybe we use the same place over and over because they give us a deal. Or maybe the known is more comfortable for the person actually doing all of the work. 

9.  "It seemed like you could have used more help." or "Why weren't they passing out programs at all of the entrances, not just in the rear?" or "Why did you have to close some of the tables?" or "Why were there 12 year olds running things?"

It may seem like we were short staffed, because we were, which is why I spent the last 3 months of my life begging for volunteers. 

10. "I know you took a poll/vote, in which I did not participate, but now that you made plans based on the majority, I am going to crap all over what was decided."

I often ask people for feedback. I have done Facebook polls or used Survey Monkey. Which night of the week works best?  What time can everyone be here? Which restaurant should we hold our Mom's Night Out at? I want to be successful, and therefore attempt to do what the majority wants.  Not voting, and then telling me 6pm is too early, or that the restaurant that had the most votes once gave you food poisoning is not at all helpful. 

My Son - Future President

I had written a post a while back about the decision to put my son in dance.  Fast forward a bit, he loves it. He stole the show at the recital last June.  I would over hear people talking about the cute little chef. People commented on the studio's Facebook page about his performance.

  

Now his teacher is trying to top that number.  They are dancing to a Frank Sinatra song. She thought maybe we should put him in a tuxedo for this year's recital. He asked me what that was, so I showed him this picture.  

He looked skeptical, so I figured he needed a better reference point. I Googled Frank Sinatra in a tuxedo, but the images skewed towards older Frank.

And then of course there was the famous mug shot that popped up. 

So my son in his infinite wisdom, says 

"I don't want to look like that guy.  I want to look like Obama."

I think he is onto something.  

Really, as a mother, would you rather your son be a member of the Rat Pack?

Or President?  

Either way though, the dance lessons will come in handy, I'm sure. 

But, for now,  he looked pretty cute in his white tuxedo.

  

Mommy's Favorite Milestones

Some parents wait anxiously for that first word, or the first steps.  Those milestones are for chumps. You spend the next 17 or so years telling them to sit down and be quiet.  The real milestones that actually make a difference in Mommy's world are way different than what you find spaces for in baby books.

1.  Being able to hold your own bottle - I had twins, and I can tell you, I contorted into all sorts of positions with various pillows and boppys to be able to feed 2 babies at once.  As soon as they were able to hold their own bottles, my entire world changed!

2.  Being able to self feed - Once you are able to sit them in a high chair with some puffs or a saltine, again, your world changed. You can cook a meal, you can eat a meal, perhaps even while it is hot!

3.  Throwing up in the toilet -  When the twins were 3 or so, we were cursed with a stomach bug.  However, my daughter had an aha momet.  "I frow up in da toilet so I don't make a mess." Yes YESYESYES!!! Life changing indeed.

4.  Being able to get their own cereal - This will change your weekend mornings.  You may actually be able to sleep beyond the break of dawn.

5.  Being able to answer the phone - My house phone is able to announce the name of the caller.  I have it programmed to say if "Daddy" or "Grandma" is calling.  My cell phone has pictures of beloved family members.  It is wonderful to let them pick up the phone, especially if I am in the shower.  If they do happen to acidentally pick up and get a telemarketer, the results are often amusing.  My preschooler once gave one poor unsuspecting person an earfull about how there aren't many words that begin with the letter X.

6.  Locating their father - No longer do I have to scream up the stairs, or tramp out to the garage in my pajamas. I can relay messages through my children.

7.  Packing lunches - This is not my favorite thing.  Some moms do love notes and cute heart sandwhich cutouts.  I use my credit card to put money in the school lunch account. My eldest quickly learned that if she didn't want to eat goulash on Tuesdays, she would have to pack her own lunch. One less thing for me in the mornings.

8.  Dressing oneself - Speaking of mornings, picking out their own clothes and being able to actually put them on their body is a big deal.  We have discovered that my younger daughter has quite the fashion sense.  In contrast, my son has a sense of humor about his clothes, and frequently declares it is backwards day if you point out that Mario should be on his chest and not on his back.

9.  Buckling seatbelts - No more back seat yoga poses!  I have ended up underneath the car on an icy day whilst attempting to buckle wiggly toddlers in snow suits into 5 point harnesses.

10.  Being able to tell you about their day - Relaying a story is no small feat.  I have 2 kids in speech therapy. Them being able to tell you that they had grilled cheese for lunch and then did fingerpaints at grandma's house is a really big deal.  For the moments that I miss, I get to feel like I was there.

Doggie Report Card Day

We’ve cried, we’ve bled, we’ve lost countless hours of sleep, and we’ve cleaned every bodily function off the floor/carpet/upholstery that we can think of (and some we never thought possible), and now we’re getting even. BECAUSE…it’s Doggie Report Card Day!!!

My sister and I have had dogs in and out of our lives since infancy. We’ve seen it all, or so we believed. Now, we’re busy moms, the alpha females in our homes, and have recently welcomed new canine members into our packs. How will the new additions (Buster, Dottie, and Heidi) measure up to our “golden” standard (Rigel, a golden retriever, and the best dog we’ve ever had)?

We also have two special guest bloggers. Thanks Glenna and Rebel for your participation!

Name of Dog: Rebel

Owner: Glenna

Age as of 8/1: 7 mos

Gender: M

Breed/breed mix: “Sharpei mix” according to the shelter, other breeds we are guessing are pitbull and lab, he’s already 60 lbs!

Marking Period: Spring/Summer 2013

A – Outstanding (4.0)

B – Good (3.0)

C – Average (2.0)

D – I’m fantasizing about my dog with a new family on that hypothetical farm (1.0)

F – Honey, where's the shotgun?

N/A – Not applicable

(+/-) grades are acceptable

	GRADE
Sleep Habits
Through the night	A
Daytime naps	A
Sleep Overall Grade:	4.0
Comments: I was blessed since day one, he sleeps through the night and sleeps in if I do!
Food
Table Manners:
No Whining	B
No Stealing	C
No Begging	C
Sits still	B
Leaves people/children alone	B
Feeding:
Waits calmly	A
Eats when served	A
Doesn't inhale food like the world is about to end	D
Eats only dog food	B
Stays away from garbage/pantry/countertops/refrigerator/stove/oven	B
Food Overall Grade:	2.8
Comments: growls like a savage if you touch him while eating, one of his few flaws
Leash/Outdoor/Traveling Habits
Doesn't pull on leash	D
Walks straight	B
Heels	C
Handling distractions:
People:
Response:
Friendly but not overly	A
Non-aggressive	A
Non-fearful	A
Other dogs/animals:
Response:
Friendly but not overly	A
Non-aggressive	A
Non-fearful	A
Ignores:
Garbage	C
Scents	C
Cars	A
Inanimate objects	B
House training:
#1 outside	B
#2 outside	B
Expresses clearly the need to eliminate	D
Off Leash:
Stays near you	B
Comes when called	C
Ignores distractions	C
Car behaviour:
Calm/fear free	A
Stays in back	A
Stays still	A
Doesn’t distract driver	A
Maintains control of:
Drooling	B
Bowels	A
Urination	A
Regurgitation	B
Leash/Outdoor Habits Overall Grade:	3.14
Comments: super friendly but also has a guarding instinct. Selective hearing. Pees on the carpet occasionally still.
Personality
Friendly	A
Affectionate	A
Fun	A
Protective	A
Intelligent	A
Non-aggressive	A
Laidback	A
Submissive	B
Loyal	A
Social Skills:
With people	A
With children	A
With babies	A
With other dogs	A
With other pets	B
Play:
Enthusiastic	A
Successfully retrieves	C
Relinquishes toy without tug o’ war	D
Barking:
Stays quiet for:
Doorbell	D
Unexpected noise	D
Indoor play	B
Outdoor play	B
Stops when corrected
Doggie etiquette:
No jumping	B
No pawing/scratching	B
No leg/object/other dog humping	A
No crotch sniffing	A
Respect for:
Boundaries	C
Common commands:
Sit	A
Stay	C
Lay down	B
Come	C
Give	B
Property:
Kids’ toys	C
Electronics	C
Clothing	D
Pillows/bedding/upholstery	D
Kitchenware	C
Important paper	C
Personality Overall Grade:	2.94
Comments: super goofy and playful. Will play with any dog who wants to. Loves people and kids. Wishes the cats would play.
Mouthing
Biting:
Abstains during:
Play with adults	B
Play with children	A
Walks	A
Greetings	C
Grooming	B
Quiet time/family time	A
Chewing:
Only treats provided	D
Abstains from:
Shoes	A
Furniture	D
Mouthing Overall Grade:	2.89
Comments: The cats made the box spring a scratching post, he’s remodelled it into a chew toy.

           

Miscellaneous

	Trips to the vet	Grooming	Nail Trimming	Bathing	Crate Training
Calm	C	C	C	A	A
Quiet	A	A	A	A	A
Cooperative	A	A	C	A	A
Overall Grade					3.46

 

Cumulative GPA: 3.21

Closing remarks: Look at that personality! A little rough on some edges, but so so great! I got really lucky with my first dog. J

Name of Dog: Buster Brown

Owner:  Carissa

Age as of 8/1: 7.5 months

Gender: Male

Breed/breed mix: Black Lab Mix

Marking Period: Spring/Summer 2013

A – Outstanding (4.0)

B – Good (3.0)

C – Average (2.0)

D – I’m fantasizing about my dog with a new family on that hypothetical farm (1.0)

F – Honey, where's the shotgun?

N/A – Not applicable

(+/-) grades are acceptable

	GRADE
Sleep Habits
Through the night	A
Daytime naps	A
Sleep Overall Grade:	4.0
Comments:  Buster has no sleep issues.  Keep it up!
Food
Table Manners:
No Whining	F
No Stealing	F
No Begging	F
Sits still	F
Leaves people/children alone	F
Feeding:
Waits calmly	C
Eats when served	A
Doesn't inhale food like the world is about to end	B
Eats only dog food	D
Stays away from garbage/pantry/countertops/refrigerator/stove/oven	F
Food Overall Grade:	1.0
Comments:  This is one area that needs a lot of improvement.
Leash/Outdoor/Traveling Habits
Doesn't pull on leash	C
Walks straight	C
Heels	C
Handling distractions:
People:
Response:
Friendly but not overly	C
Non-aggressive	A
Non-fearful	A
Other dogs/animals:
Response:
Friendly but not overly	A
Non-aggressive	A
Non-fearful	A
Ignores:
Garbage	D
Scents	C
Cars	A
Inanimate objects	B
House training:
#1 outside	C
#2 outside	F
Expresses clearly the need to eliminate	C
Off Leash:
Stays near you	C
Comes when called	C
Ignores distractions	C
Car behaviour:
Calm/fear free	B
Stays in back	C
Stays still	D
Doesn’t distract driver	C
Maintains control of:
Drooling	A
Bowels	B
Urination	D
Regurgitation	F
Leash/Outdoor Habits Overall Grade:	2.37
Comments:  We have not done a great deal of leash work as of yet so his skills are hard to accurately assess.  The car rides are not that frequent either.  With more exposure I’m sure these areas will improve. He does need to stop pooping in the basement.  What is with that?
Personality
Friendly	A
Affectionate	A
Fun	A
Protective	D
Intelligent	B
Non-aggressive	B
Laidback	A
Submissive	B
Loyal	A
Social Skills:
With people	B
With children	A
With babies	A
With other dogs	A
With other pets	A
Play:
Enthusiastic	A
Successfully retrieves	A
Relinquishes toy without tug o’ war	B
Barking:
Stays quiet for:
Doorbell/Knocking	A
Unexpected noise	B
Indoor play	C
Outdoor play	A
Stops when corrected	B
Doggie etiquette:
No jumping	D
No pawing/scratching	C
No leg/object/other dog humping	D
No crotch sniffing	C
Respect for:
Boundaries	C
Common commands:
Sit	B
Stay	C
Lay down	C
Come	B
Give	B
Property:
Kids’ toys	D
Electronics	D
Clothing	A
Pillows/bedding/upholstery	A
Kitchenware	D
Important paper	A
Personality Overall Grade:	2.7
Comments:  Buster does not seem to understand which toys are his and which are the children’s.  All are fair game.  Maybe we should consider getting him his own Barbies. Also, the wire chewing is concerning as he is at risk of getting electrocuted.
Mouthing
Biting:
Abstains during:
Play with adults	C
Play with children	B
Walks	A
Greetings	A
Grooming	A
Quiet time/family time	B
Chewing:
Only treats provided	D
Abstains from:
Shoes	B
Furniture	A
Mouthing Overall Grade:	3.1
Comments:  This area has seen some improvement lately.  Keep it up!

           

Miscellaneous

	Trips to the vet	Grooming	Nail Trimming	Bathing	Crate Training
Calm	B	B	C	B	A
Quiet	B	B	B	B	B
Cooperative	B	B	C	B	A
Overall Grade					3.0

Cumulative GPA: 2.69

Closing remarks:

Overall, Buster is a good boy. He sweet and affectionate. He has some work to do on the house training, but I’m sure with a little effort he will get where he needs to be. He does need to work on his manners when it comes to food. His main issue is that he does not understand the difference between people food and dog food and feels he is entitled to any and all food in the house. This may be attributed to the rapid growth he is currently experiencing. With some more maturity I hope this will improve. The humping is thankfully limited to the other dog in the house, and she does not seem to mind so much, and in fact prefers it to the nipping. As long as that is kept to a minimum after he is neutered we can look the other way. 

Name of Dog:  Dottie Dawg

Owner:  Carissa

Age as of 8/1: 4 years?

Gender:  Female

Breed/breed mix: Some type of Hound and possibly Spaniel? or Boxer maybe?

Marking Period: Spring/Summer 2013

A – Outstanding (4.0)

B – Good (3.0)

C – Average (2.0)

D – I’m fantasizing about my dog with a new family on that hypothetical farm (1.0)

F – Honey, where's the shotgun?

N/A – Not applicable

(+/-) grades are acceptable

	GRADE
Sleep Habits
Through the night	A
Daytime naps	A
Sleep Overall Grade:	4.0
Comments:  Sleeping is one of Dottie's all time favorite pastimes.  She will stay asleep even if Dad gets up for work.
Food
Table Manners:
No Whining	A
No Stealing	C
No Begging	B
Sits still	A
Leaves people/children alone	B
Feeding:
Waits calmly	A
Eats when served	B
Doesn't inhale food like the world is about to end	A
Eats only dog food	C
Stays away from garbage/pantry/counter tops/refrigerator/stove/oven	B
Food Overall Grade:	3.2
Comments:  Having Buster has brought out some bad habits.  I'm convinced she is the brains behind some of Buster's food based shenanigans.
Leash/Outdoor/Traveling Habits
Doesn't pull on leash	B
Walks straight	B
Heels	B
Handling distractions:
People:
Response:
Friendly but not overly	B
Non-aggressive	A
Non-fearful	A
Other dogs/animals:
Response:
Friendly but not overly	C
Non-aggressive	C
Non-fearful	A
Ignores:
Garbage	B
Scents	B
Cars	A
Inanimate objects	B
House training:
#1 outside	A+
#2 outside	A+
Expresses clearly the need to eliminate	A
Off Leash:
Stays near you	A
Comes when called	A
Ignores distractions	B
Car behaviour:
Calm/fear free	C
Stays in back	C
Stays still	B
Doesn’t distract driver	C
Maintains control of:
Drooling	A
Bowels	A
Urination	A
Regurgitation	A
Leash/Outdoor Habits Overall Grade:	3.33
Comments:  Dottie came fully potty trained.  We lucked out.  I can count the number of accidents she has had on one hand.
Personality
Friendly	A
Affectionate	A
Fun	A
Protective	C
Intelligent	A
Non-aggressive	A
Laidback	A
Submissive	A
Loyal	A
Social Skills:
With people	A
With children	A
With babies	A
With other dogs	C
With other pets	A
Play:
Enthusiastic	B
Successfully retrieves	D
Relinquishes toy without tug o’ war	A
Barking:
Stays quiet for:
Doorbell	A
Unexpected noise	A
Indoor play	A
Outdoor play	C
Stops when corrected	A
Doggie etiquette:
No jumping	B
No pawing/scratching	B
No leg/object/other dog humping	A
No crotch sniffing	A
Respect for:
Boundaries	A
Common commands:
Sit	A
Stay	A
Lay down	B
Come	A
Give	A
Property:
Kids’ toys	A
Electronics	A
Clothing	A
Pillows/bedding/upholstery	A
Kitchenware	B
Important paper	A
Personality Overall Grade:	3.63
Comments: Dottie’s one weak area is retrieving. I think this is attributed to her breed and should not be seen as a personality flaw.
Mouthing
Biting:
Abstains during:
Play with adults	A
Play with children	A
Walks	A
Greetings	A
Grooming	A
Quiet time/family time	A
Chewing:
Only treats provided	A
Abstains from:
Shoes	A
Furniture	A
Mouthing Overall Grade:	4.0
Comments: Dottie has never been a biter or a chewer. Her only occasional slip happens to be wooden items, and I will attribute that to a desire to play with sticks.

           

Miscellaneous

	Trips to the vet	Grooming	Nail Trimming	Bathing	Crate Training
Calm	C	A	B	A	N/A
Quiet	A	A	A	A	N/A
Cooperative	B	B	B	A	N/A
Miscellaneous Overall Grade:					3.5

Cumulative GPA: 3.61

Closing remarks:

Dottie is a wonderful dog that came into our family as we lost our beloved 12 year old lab. She has done well with adjusting to the addition of the new puppy. She is slightly territorial and tends to bark at other dogs, however, never barks at people. She could channel this and be slightly more protective against strangers. 

Name of Dog: Heidi  

Owner: Alicia

Age as of 8/1: 5 months

Gender: Female

Breed/breed mix: Eastern German Shepherd

Marking Period: Spring/Summer 2013

A – Outstanding (4.0)

B – Good (3.0)

C – Average (2.0)

D – I’m fantasizing about my dog with a new family on that hypothetical farm (1.0)

F – Honey, where's the shotgun?

N/A – Not applicable

(+/-) grades are acceptable

	GRADE
Sleep Habits
Through the night	D
Daytime naps	C
Sleep Overall Grade:	1.5
Comments: Heidi was a terrible sleeper for a couple months. Poor bladder control would be understandable, so once a night was to be expected. But around 4:00 am, she’d cry after her walk until she was fed. We had to give in eventually (we’re only human) and feed her before sunrise which would necessitate another walk. Her grade would have been an F, but we changed her mealtimes to nine in the morning and nine at night and it solved the problem, more or less. She’s settled in to “C” behaviour – she starts whining and scratching between 6 and 7 am, goes back in her crate, and stays somewhat quiet until she’s let out at about 7:30.
Food
Table Manners:
No Whining	C
No Stealing	D
No Begging	C
Sits still	C
Leaves people/children alone	D
Feeding:
Waits calmly	D
Eats when served	A
Doesn't inhale food like the world is about to end	D
Eats only dog food	F
Stays away from garbage/pantry/countertops/refrigerator/stove/oven	C
Food Overall Grade:	1.6
Comments: Heidi will eat anything that fits in her mouth. Paper, garbage, leaves, rocks, Legos. Trust me on the Legos. They look the same when they come out. I do try to get non-food items out of her mouth, but she runs and has usually swallowed the item before I can dig it out. Everything so far has passed – lucky damn dog. She hasn’t figured out the garbage yet, but will steal food off an unattended counter or if you step away from the table. And she either whines while we eat if she’s crated or camps right under my 11-month-old’s highchair.
Leash/Outdoor/Traveling Habits
Doesn't pull on leash	D
Walks straight	D
Heels	D
Handling distractions:
People:
Response:
Friendly but not overly	C
Non-aggressive	C
Non-fearful	C
Other dogs/animals:
Response:
Friendly but not overly	D
Non-aggressive	D
Non-fearful	D
Ignores:
Garbage	D
Scents	C
Cars	B
Inanimate objects	D
House training:
#1 outside	C
#2 outside	B
Expresses clearly the need to eliminate	C
Off Leash:
Stays near you	C
Comes when called	C
Ignores distractions	C
Car behaviour:
Calm/fear free	B
Stays in back	B
Stays still	B
Doesn’t distract driver	B
Maintains control of:
Drooling	A
Bowels	A
Urination	C
Regurgitation	A
Leash/Outdoor/Traveling Habits Overall Grade:	2.07
Comments: Heidi has become territorial over her yard. She barks, pulls, and her fur stands up when she sees strangers or other animals. Her house training went as well as can be expected, but she does have “happy pee” when she’s overly excited. For walks, she’s afraid of her own shadow. It’s an excessive challenge when she becomes a dead weight every three steps. On long trips, we crate her in the car, and let her wander for short trips. So far there have been no major catastrophes.
Personality
Friendly	D
Affectionate	C
Fun	D
Protective	B
Intelligent	B
Non-aggressive	D
Laidback	D
Submissive	D
Loyal	B
Social Skills:
With people	C
With children	C
With babies	B
With other dogs	C
With other pets	N/A
Play:
Enthusiastic	B
Successfully retrieves	B
Relinquishes toy without tug o’ war	C
Barking:
Stays quiet for:
Doorbell	B
Unexpected noise	B
Indoor play	D
Outdoor play	B
Stops when corrected	D
Doggie etiquette:
No jumping	D
No pawing/scratching	D
No leg/object/other dog humping	B
No crotch sniffing	B
Respect for:
Boundaries	B
Common commands:
Sit	B
Stay	C
Lay down	B
Come	C
Give	B
Property:
Kids’ toys	C
Electronics	B
Clothing	D
Pillows/bedding/upholstery	B
Kitchenware	C
Important papers	D
Personality Overall Grade:	1.40
Comments: Heidi shows signs of being loyal and protective. Overall, though, she is very high strung. She loves us and is happy to see us when we return from an outing, but expresses that love with jumping, pawing, and biting. She only obeys commands when there is a treat involved, so not when it really matters. It has to be on her terms. For example, she’ll ignore/evade me when she is overly hyper and irritating people or when her play gets too aggressive.
Mouthing
Biting:
Abstains during:
Play with adults	F
Play with children	D
Walks	D
Greetings	F
Grooming	F
Quiet time/family time	F
Chewing:
Only treats provided	C
Abstains from:
Shoes	B
Furniture	B
Mouthing Overall Grade:	1.2
Comments: Heidi is more vampire than werewolf. The bite marks and scratches never get a chance to heal before new ones take their place. I can’t put her leash on without her gnawing on my arm. She’s also punctured the back of my thigh while I was holding the baby. During play, her teeth always seem to wander to my hand and arm despite my refusal to play the game her way. She bites to get attention and bites when she has attention. Then when your grab for her to correct the behaviour (a time out in her crate), she plays an annoying game of “try to catch me.” And most times, she’d rather bite than get affection. It’s sad when there are plenty of people in my house willing to pet her and play with her. Her only redeeming quality is that she seems to understand “baby,” but she doesn’t hesitate to bite my five-year old and seven-year old. During grooming, her biting gets vicious. Nail clipping takes two adults and we still end up with bites and scratches. We’ve avoided giving her a bath. Her behaviour is equally as bad. The best we can do is hose her down from a distance.

           

Miscellaneous

	Trips to the vet	Grooming	Nail Trimming	Bathing	Crate Training
Calm	C	D	F	F	C
Quiet	C	D	F	F	C
Cooperative	C	D	F	F	C
Miscellaneous Overall Grade					1.0

Cumulative GPA: 1.46

Closing remarks:

Heidi, you’re a terror, but I’m not a quitter. You’re lucky I’m as stubborn as you are.

Stay tuned for my next blog post, “My Positive Reinforcement Woes.” Heidi has issues and we’ve attempted to deal with them by going to an expert. Let’s see if there’s hope for me and my puppy delinquent…