There are no hard and fast rules.
That's what throws off those poor souls who try to come up with trends backed
by numbers. For every rule, there's a rule breaker. But as a proud
middle child and a mother of three, I've made up my own rules. I'll let you
decide if they're true.
Oldest children are often competitive
achievers. They like attention, praise, and control. They are opinionated and
mature for their age. In my family, my older sister (Yes, Carissa, I'm going to
drag you into this), liked to "direct" and took charge of play–you
stand here, wear this, say this, hold this–and I, for the most part, didn't
mind. But there was a lot of conflict between her and my mother (also an oldest
child). I see some of the same trends in my current household. I sometimes have
to scold my oldest for being too “bossy,” and of course, he argues.
Middle children are amiable
peacekeepers. We're the "people pleasers." During intense discussions,
we make light of the situation with jokes and sarcasm, and if that doesn't
resolve the conflict, we get upset and withdraw. We sometimes get mistaken as “shy,”
but really we're cautious listeners who don't like to offend anyone. We're
used to being ignored. We're usually OK with that, and if not, we work harder.
If no one notices an accomplishment, then it wasn't good enough. In some
families, this mentality can be dangerous or self-destructive. If middle
children can’t be the smartest, most athletic, most talented, etc., they might
settle for any attention they can get.
Youngest children are fun-loving
free spirits. They are simple, adventurous, independent, and the least likely
to accept adulthood. Some might even seem like self-centered rebels, but in my
sister's case, (Sorry Eileen, you're not off the hook either) she has a good
sense of "self" and doesn't succumb to societal norms. She does what she
pleases and that happens to be helping others. She is altruistic,
conscientious, prudent, and wise. She learns from her mistakes and the mistakes
of others. She never wanted to follow in her sisters' footsteps. All things
considered, she's probably happier that way...and better off.
Now that I have a family of my
own, I might pull less of my hair out if I consider my own experiences and
accept the inevitable. For example, my oldest son will always think he knows
everything. I will have to adapt to "keep the peace" because he, in
all likelihood, never will. I’ll also have to keep in mind that I have a
mixed-gender family. I need to be patient, flexible, and tolerant of all
personalities, but I've been doing this all my life. It's not easy, and my
exasperation is usually internalized, but I'll make do. That's why middle
children rock! And this leads me to the purpose of this post...
It's a busy time of year and I
had an "oh crap" moment when I realized my middle child is graduating
from preschool. How did THAT come up so
fast!? We'll squeeze it in between baseball games and teacher’s
conferences, baby naps and feeding schedules, and incessant puppy-dog walks. He
won't be the center of the universe, though, and he'll understand. That's why
he's "my bear."
So this post is for you,
Jake-a-doo…
You
get hand-me-downs and don't complain. Your brother's favorite shirt is now your
favorite shirt, and the grease stains give it personality.
Your
brother’s old shoes are practically bare to the sole. But you're happy they
don't hurt like new.
You
never had your own room. But you appreciate the company.
You
hold the remote as infrequently as your mother does. You usually watch what
someone else has selected, or you find another diversion.
You
have to watch your brother's sporting events because you’re too young to play. And
you're content to sit there with a candy bar and a soda.
You
sit in the backseat and don't ask questions. Where are we going? What are we doing? Why are we stopped? How long
will it take? How fast are we going? Look here… Look there…
You
make PLENTY of mistakes. But you’re usually SO remorseful, it’s hard to stay
angry.
You're
happy with any restaurant that serves a hotdog and spicy chicken (hot wings). You
don’t sulk if the menu is less than satisfactory.
You
don't get a lot of one-on-one mommy time. But you make the most of it and enjoy
your independence.
During the morning crazies, I
sometimes forget your breakfast. An hour (or more) later, you politely say,
"Mom, I'm still hungry."
You're
always compared to your other siblings. But you find a way to be unique even if
no one seems to be paying attention.
In
other words, Jacob, thanks for being easy going, for occasionally sleeping past
7:30, for making me laugh, for not understanding the meaning of jealousy, for
the big blue-eyed smiles, and all the dandelions...
